A Twisted Fairytale
by obsidians
Summary: This is a modern fairy tale in the FF7 world and the characters are playing themselves. Sort of. Now rated M for Mature for a reason.
1. Chapter 1

Tifa went to punch her timecard when Sephiroth walked in. "Morning. Hey Seph, you do anything interesting this weekend?" She asked her co-worker.

"I went to that new burger joint that promises burgers as big as your head. They weren't lying" he said with a chuckle as he punched in and showed her pictures.

"You even have ketchup in your hair" she chuckled.

"How about..."

"Your writer is queuing you up" an announcement page called out.

"We'll continue this later" Tifa suggested.

"I hope I'm not being with Cloud again. We're both get sick of that" Sephiroth said sourly.

"Or myself with Aerith. That's a weird combo" Tifa agreed and they both sighed and went to go see what wardrobe had in store for them.

"Help save me!" Tifa cried as she was dressed as a princess, complete with tiara. She was badly tied to a tree to the point her arms were flailing around in front of her in protest but seemed to ludicrously be unable to untie the badly tied knots that might as well be bows.

"It's too late, Princess Tifa. You're mine now and I shall force you to marry me" Sephiroth read with a frown and his "evil" costume was black, tight fitting and showed off his manly chest. "Marry? I'm Sephiroth, the most powerful being on Gaia and someone who was physiologically and physically abused and made a lab rat by his own father and I'm worried about _marrying_ someone? I'm as hot as molasses but asexual. I don't need to force anyone to marry me. People would be lining up if I so much as gave them a smoldering glance" he deadpanned in outrage.

"He's a gorgeous badass and what he's saying is true. What's the point of all this?" Tifa agreed.

"And that's Tifa Lockhart: she can put men through the walls with a punch. Why would she need someone to rescue her? Haven't you ever _heard_ about the women's liberation?" Sephiroth asked, crossing his arms.

"Just get back to work" the page insisted.

They rolled their eyes at each other.

"Help me" Tifa shrieked.

Sephiroth just cackled evilly and went back to posturing.

"You must rescue my adopted sister, Princess Tifa," Crown Prince Rufus said to his knights at large. "The one that does shall receive her hand in marriage as reward" Crown Prince Rufus announced to the room at large and most of them looked disappointed at this. There were so many maidens to rescued that few remained unmarried; happily ever after or not.

"But why marriage? It seems kind of sexist to base her future life's happiness on that rather than just offering a reward for her safe return. What if that knight isn't to her liking?" Tseng, his royal guard asked him.

"It's the way it's done...okay and you get a reward as well" Rufus added.

"I shall rescue her" Sir Cloud vowed in his immaculate white armour as he hefted his over compensator sword with little effort and got down on one knee. He was the favourite: the noble white knight of Nibelheim. He was righteous to a fault and rather dull and known as "Sir Bores a Lot" to his detractors.

"If you're offering real Gil, I'll go rescue her too" "Sir" Reno of Nothing said as he stepped away from two admiring women.

He was of dubious parentage, a known womanizer and possible drunkard and his patched armour was black and exposed half of his chest in a way that armour _shouldn't_ to be effective. He sold his sword only for profit and had loyalty to nothing but his own vain good looks. His sword was long, but short for a sword and pointed and seemed to serve no real purpose.

"Oh great, I get to travel with the village idiot" Sir Cloud said sarcastically.

"So do I" Reno said with a frown.

"Great comeback" Cloud snapped.

"Just go" Rufus said, feeling a headache coming on.

"So Sephiroth, aren't you going to molest me?" Tifa asked him during their downtime in a hopeful voice.

"Sephiroth isn't the sort of person who would do that!" Sephiroth said, gathering a whole head of steam for his coming rant.

"Never mind" Tifa said sighing and tuned him out, wondering what she had to do to get laid by any of her hot male co-workers. They seemed to more into each other if anything...

"Sir Cloud" she cried when she saw her favourite trot up on his noble black steed...to be followed by Sir Reno on his donkey. "Sir Reno" she greeted her least favourite knight through gritted teeth and he just grinned back at.

"I shall take Princess Tifa back from you, you vile Rogue and marry her. Engard, good sir" Cloud said, leaping from his steed and raising his sword and Sephiroth did the same. "Unless Sir Reno would prefer to go first?" He called back to him.

"Nah, I'm good with sloppy seconds" he said lounging against Tifa's tree and ignored her while she flailed her limbs around unimpaired by her bonds and wept for rescue as the two men took up their blades and paused as they looked at each other.

"Why do I feel the need to kiss you?" Sir Cloud asked Sephiroth.

"So it's not just me?" Sephiroth said as both blade clattered to the ground and crossed suggestively as they clutched onto each other and kissed in a furious way.

"Sir Cloud, you need to rescue me so we can marry" Tifa snapped at him in reminder as she fumed.

"Marry her? Over my dead body. You're mine!" Sephiroth said and scooped Cloud up into his arms.

"My hero. Let's get out of here, my love" Cloud said as off they flew while exchanging frantic kisses.

"Here princess, you're free" Reno said, pulling the slipknot and releasing her.

"Seriously, you make the worse knight ever..." She complained.

"Script" the pager system reminded her.

"Sir Reno, you saved me. I shall marry you as my royal brother decreed..." she said, humbling herself before him with a deadly glare.

"Fuck that, I'm not ready to settle down. I'm doing this for the reward. Haul your ass princess, I'm dropping you off at your brother's pad and his Royal High Ass can pay me. Hurry up, I have a date with twins" he said and draped his sword over his shoulder and strode away and she was forced to follow his slim back as his red ponytail twitched behind him like a cat's tail.

"You expect me to ride on that?" She gasped at the sight of his donkey.

"Sorry, only I get to ride my noble steed. Your royal ass can walk" he said, mounting his own ass and she fumed further as she stumbled after him in her high heels as he hummed and rode before her.

"My sister is restored to me, I rejoice. I shall arrange the royal wedding for..." Rufus said as he wondered why his sister sat down on the dais before his throne, whipped off her shoes and rubbed her feet in an unladylike fashion and muttered darkly that all men were sexist bastards.

"Honestly, worst writer ever" Tifa complained as she clocked out.

"I can't get the taste of Cloud tongue out of my mouth" Sephiroth complained.

"At least I don't wear all leather armour day in and day out; your taste is far worse" Cloud said with a shudder.

"I had fun with my twins" Reno said.

"I got nothing again. It is possible to get blue ovaries? Tifa complained to her co-workers.


	2. Chapter 2

Tifa was already there with Cloud and Sephiroth that morning when Reno went to clock in.

He was amused how she hung onto their every word and they pretended to vie for her attention but it was no secret to Reno that although they pretended to hate it when writers put them together; they didn't really mind it so much.

Whereas Reno was highly uncomfortable when literally thrust into that role with any of his male colleagues, it made for an awkward conversation afterwards.

"I hope Obsidians isn't writing today" Tifa moaned out loud. "As if I need a man to rescue me! Princess Tifa is so useless a character" she complained.

"I agree, she isn't using the real you to your potential" Cloud agreed.

"Thanks for noticing" she said glowing at his praise.

"I kind of like her" Reno said as he clocked in and went up to the coffee pot. "Why does someone always drink the last cup before I get here? It's the responsibility of the last person to make a fresh pot" he complained.

"You would. She's so namby pamby" Tifa muttered and made the fresh pot out the need to be helpful to humanity...even him.

"Thanks, you're a lifesaver" Reno said as he slouched against the kitchen counter.

"So, what did you two do this weekend?" She asked the other two while ignoring Reno.

"I went to see the new Star Wars movie" Sephiroth said.

"As I did too" Cloud cut in.

"Did you go together?" Reno asked them, crossing his arms over his half-exposed chest.

"Yes, but it wasn't a date" Cloud insisted with a blush.

"Why didn't you ask me..." Tifa asked them.

"Reno and Tifa to wardrobe. Cloud and Sephiroth, you can go home for now. You aren't needed at this time" the announcer paged them.

"Way to waste our day," Cloud complained.

"Let's go for breakfast and then go pick up your paint order" Sephiroth suggested.

"Sounds good" Cloud agreed.

"Paint order?" Tifa asked them.

"We're painting his bedroom tonight" Sephiroth explained.

"Hey I could come over and help. I'll even bring beer" she offered.

"Sorry, I just need one person to help paint my bedroom" Cloud hastily said. "But I can show you the colour we...I picked out" he said taking out his PHS and scrolling through his pictures and showed one to her.

"It's a picture of yourself and Sephiroth. You seem to be taking a bubble bath" she said in a perplexed tone of voice.

"That's a piece of fan art someone texted me" Cloud said blushing as he clutched the phone to himself.

"Come on Cloud we should...let's go" Sephiroth said and the blonde followed him out as their blushes lit their way.

"I like Sir Reno. He's a badass" Reno commented as they approached their dressing rooms.

"He's an ass alright" she said dismissively. "I'll see you soon" she said.

"I wonder what's going to happen today?" he commented.

"Well obviously, Cloud shall have come to his senses and returned to marry my character and you'll be leaving and never show up in the story again as you're only a bit part character" Tifa said as she paused in front of the display of tiaras. "I'm so sick of these things and those gowns have more material then an entire royal wedding party" she complained.

Reno frowned at the "bit part" reference. "Odd, I'm completely comfortable in my armor" he said and left with a chuckle as she fumed.

They met on the set.

"I'll take my reward please, here's your sister safe and sound" Reno said, indicating to the self-foot massaging woman who seemed to be cursing his name. "My parents were married. So, I'm a dastard, not a bastard" he informed her.

"Yes, you will marry the Princess" Rufus said.

"Nope and nope, I'm here only for the reward. She's comely enough but I don't want to be around when her rack decides they want to keep her knees warm, if you catch my drift" Reno crudely said. Causing Tifa to bristle.

"I would sooner marry a warthog" she proclaimed.

"I won't accept a cheque, but you can wire transfer the reward to my account, pay by visa debit or pay pal me the amount. Or I'll take that in gold" Reno offered, taking out his PHS and texting the amount Rufus had mentioned by way of confirmation.

"Yes, that is correct and with this amount you can get a decent horse. But what else? My adopted sister, she's the sole living ruler of Nibelheim and my royal cousin, now adopted to sister. Only herself and Sir Cloud survived. Here is her net worth that I hold for her royal consort and what her dowry is" Rufus said, texting him back when he whipped out his own PHS.

"You can't be serious? All he did was untie me after Cloud was abducted. We need send someone to rescue Cloud" Tifa insisted.

"Seriously? All this for her? Call me a gold digger 'cause I just got me a sugar mama. Well looks like we're getting hitched" Reno cried as he threw an arm around Tifa.

"You can't be serious..." She cried out.

"How soon can we do it?" Reno asked him.

"It's a royal wedding, a week ought to do" Rufus assured him and every single woman in attendance burst into tears and cries of "no" rang out. Even Queen Scarlet was weeping piteously.

"What's that my dear? Are those tears of joy that Tifa shall finally be happily married?" Rufus sarcastically asked her.

"Yes of course darling" she snapped back as she looked imploringly at Reno.

"Oh I'm not marrying this buffoon..." Tifa said.

"Do I get to test drive her?" Reno interrupted her and she went red in the face at the implication.

"Princess Tifa is a virgin as is befitting a woman of her status" Rufus said with a frown.

"I haven't even kissed a boy" she said with as much heat in her voice as her demure nature would allow.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of that...everything" he said with a leer.

"I refuse..." She insisted.

"I do" she numbly said as she stood before the priest wearing a poufy white confection of a dress that barely allowed her to move with its super poufy shoulders, draped waist, corset back and hoop skirt with tons of crinoline beneath. Add to that a twenty-foot train and you had a train wreck waiting to happen.

She had to admit her groom cleaned up rather well and wore a pair of tights with tall boots that displayed his long legs to an advantage. His tunic was a simple white one and the black leather overvest he wore on top had his family crest on it, which appeared to be some kind of rooster that made people giggle when they saw it. She didn't get the joke.

However, she fumed at how when he'd walked down the aisle to her, he'd broke out in laughter at the sight of her and proclaimed she had more layers on then their wedding cake. She hadn't been happy about that in the least!

"You may kiss the bride" the priest said and Tifa gasped as she was suddenly dipped and a mouth descended on hers in a leechlike way. She gasped in outrage and her small fists beat on his broad back and her mouth opened to protest as his hand settled onto her firm bottom and gave it an appreciative squeeze. She gasped as his tongue invaded her mouth and she was blushing to the roots her hair as she heard people clearing their throats in embarassment.

He finally let her up and whooped "okay who wants to be the first person I cheat with?"

"You have to be faithful to her" Rufus coldly said.

"When did I agree to that?" Ren asked him.

"During your vows when you said: forsaking all others; I guess you weren't paying attention. I can introduce you to the royal executioner" Rufus said and the large man smiled pleasantly under his leather hood and finger waved over his axe at Reno.

"Let's get this reception started" Reno said, grabbing the first drink he could and downed it.

"Okay, that's a wrap" the announcer called.

"What the fuck Reno? You didn't have to get so grabby" Tifa complained as she took off her veil and tiara and handed it to the wardrobe girl.

"I got inspired and just went with it" he explained. "I know I can be a perfect ass sometimes" he said.

"Nobody's perfect" she interrupted.

"I'm going to get changed" he said.

They met up accidently when both were wearing normal clothes. "I want to propose a truce. Would you like to go for a drink and talk about lines and suggestions for tomorrow's scene?" He suggested.

Tifa hesitated, she wasn't really interested in bit part actors for the most part, no matter how long their longevity on the series. "What makes tomorrow's scene so special?" She asked him.

"It's the wedding night. I mean you're an innocent virgin in this story. Quite frankly, that will take all the acting skills you possess. I could help you with your..." Reno suggested and Tifa slapped him and stormed away as steam seemed to emit from her ears like a kettle and followed her out of the set.

Reno nursed his throbbing cheek and turned to find Sephiroth and Cloud had witnessed it.

"They called us back as they need to do a dry run of a sex scene for tomorrow" Cloud explained.

"You okay?" Sephiroth asked.

"What did I say to get her so mad? I will never understand chicks" Reno said, storming off in the opposite direction, rubbing his cheek.

"How it is possible that the same people that created our characters created him too?" Cloud asked Sephiroth.

"They claim Hojo's my father but he's as ugly as sin and I'm..." Sephiroth said with a toss of his luxurious mane.

"True, too true" Cloud agreed.


	3. Chapter 3

Sephiroth and Cloud got ready to do a "undress" rehearsal as each admired the other as they undressed down to their boxer shorts and put their clothes in a locker. Donning the provided bathrobes, they walked onto set.

"Thanks for coming in boys. As you know, Obsidians doesn't tend to write much yaoi, so we thought we would try some different positions to see that works. You can keep your underwear on for today as this is only dry run" the announcer said.

"Okay, what's the synopsis of the scene?" Cloud asked.

"You were in a trance when you left with Sephiroth and now you want to leave to get back to the Princess but are deeply attracted to Sephiroth too. He doesn't want you to leave, so he "persuades" you to stay with him by having sex with you. You'll have to struggle a bit at first but it's consensual. Sephiroth has never been in love before and doesn't know how to approach someone sexually" the announcer explained.

"I'm a virgin again?" Sephiroth deadpanned, "what's with this authoress's cherry-picking fetish?"

"I'll take care of that, big fella" Cloud said, slipping off his bathrobe to expose his impressive body.

"Wow you two are eager to get to work" the announcer observed. Both felt like they were being teased as they went through the motions.

"You want to go somewhere we can take our underwear off?" Sephiroth suggested as both felt randy from their fake sex. Cloud's nodded and they hurried to Sephiroth's place.

They were already undressing before they tumbled into Sephiroth's bed.

Cloud cried out as he rode his lover's impressive length and each thrust found the target of his sweet spot until he was keening. Sephiroth's head was thrown back and lulled at the sensation. Cloud's customary spikes were flattened from the sweat the slicked his body as his bubble butt bounced on Sephiroth's midsection. "I love you" Cloud cried as he came. "I mean it, I do love you" he panted as he looked down at the astonished man as Cloud had never said it before.

"I love you too" Sephiroth replied back after a pause as Cloud collapsed into his arms to bask in that perfect moment.

"That was amazing. I swear I saw the face of the goddess" Cloud sighed.

"No one else takes me like you can" Sephiroth said with a chuckle, he felt giddy in his happiness.

"I don't want you to take anyone else like this ever again" Cloud firmly insisted

"I thought you wanted to play the field as you're mainly into women when I suggested that. I haven't been with anyone else" Sephiroth assured him, stroking Cloud's hair back to uncover the face that was so dear to him. Sephiroth had been Cloud's first man and their relationship had stemmed from them working together so many times. A physical attraction had developed that had blossomed into a real relationship.

"I don't want to be with anyone" Cloud said with a blush.

"Looks like we're exclusive then" Sephiroth said cupping his chin and staring into his eyes and Cloud just cuddled securely into his arms, feeling more cherished and loved than he ever had in his entire life.

"Morning Tifa" Reno said as he clocked in.

"Reno. I'll do the scene with you today, but don't over act it or touch me unnecessarily. We're both professionals here and this is strictly business" she snapped at him as she punched her card with more force than necessary and strode towards the dressing room.

"Come on, how are you mad at me? It's not like I'm writing the damned thing. If I were to write it. I would cast a sweet, pleasant girl like Aerith in your place. She's good natured and fun to work with. I really enjoyed her while VHestin was writing us…...and I don't mean just in bed" he called after her and she gave him a murderous look and vanished from view.

"Morning Reno. We're on set in the next building and thought we'd drop by" Tseng said as he walked in with Vincent. Reno was a little startled to see Tseng was wearing his Turk's uniform tie on his head.

"Sakurablossomhime?" He guessed.

"Yes we're paired together as usual" Vincent said, not that I mind. He said giving his lover's bottom a playful pinch that cause him to yelp in surprise and blush.

"Not here dearest" Tseng said in a threatening voice that held no heat and Reno smiled in amusement at the couple's antics. The real Vincent and Tseng were a lot easier going in real life and Vincent's whimsical sense of humour was almost juvenile upon occasion.

"Good thing I have killer legs; she had me in little bitty swim trunks" Tseng said with a smile.

"And I had him a lot" Vincent joked.

"Get into wardrobe. They aren't paying you to stand around!" Tifa snapped from the dressing room door.

"Having problems with your love interest?" Vincent asked.

"She's not interested in me in the least" Reno said rolling his eyes.

"Tifa's a great person but way too tightly laced and that makes her hard to work with. She could stand to have a bit of fun. I get the impression she's been single for too long and this frustrates her to no end" Tseng observed.

"Vincent, Tseng" Tifa greeted them. "Go get ready" she ordered Reno. She wore a white modest nightgown that hugged her figure like a promise but was modest enough for a virgin bride on her wedding night.

Reno bid his friends goodbye and went to get into his wedding attire to supposedly make a woman of Tifa. Oddly, it wasn't a task he looked forward to. Of all of his work colleagues, she was the least pleasant to work in a sex scene. She made it no secret she held nothing but contempt for him.

"Okay let's see if we can nail this in one shot" the announcer called to them. "I don't want him nailing me in the least" Tifa said but took a deep breath and got into character.

"I'm ready" Tifa said in a sweet, shy voice as she blushingly sat gingerly upon the bed where she would become a woman. "I'll lie back and think of Nibelheim" she said "while you..." And her voice trailed off as he helped her off with her nightgown and she blushed as her gorgeous figure was revealed.

Reno rid himself of his own clothes in no time flat and joined her on the bed and helped her lie down and she swallowed nervously.

He got on top of her without preamble and with a single thrust, her hymen parted with a cry of pain from her. She clung to Reno tightly, her flushed face a beautiful mask of confusion and her mouth a perfect O that someone was actually penetrating her body. He moved in her slowly after a pause and relished how tight she was as he explored her uncharted depths and soon realized her cries were getting louder. "Are you okay?" He asked her, pausing.

"Don't stop, fuck me. Fuck me like a whore. I need your cock, give it to me" she snarled at him as her hands clutched his hard buttocks and dug her nails in to goad him on. He was shocked to his core and he didn't shock easily that his demure, shy young wife even knew such language. It went against everything he knew of her character but acceded to her demands and brought her swiftly to her first orgasm and then second...and third...and he emptied his own spending heavily into her at the same moment.

"Why didn't anyone ever tell me it would be like this? More, I need more" she cried in a dazed voice as he collapsed onto of her.

"Already? Just give me a second" Reno said, feeling winded.

The second time, she rode him like he was a bucking bronco as he pounded up into her depths and she cried out curse words that would have made a sailor blush with shame.

"I need more" she all but demanded at the end.

She was on her hands and knees that time as he played with her clitoris as if urging her to spend.

After the fourth time, there was a hysterical scene where the naked woman chased him around the room. "I can't do it again, I don't have it in me" he said, ducking behind her couch.

"I want you again, I need you" she all but panted to him.

"What sort of psycho nympho are you? I won't do it" he said cowering on the other side of the bed and she crawled over it and gave chase to him while he ran away from her. "Just one more time" she pleaded.

"What are you some kind of sex pig?" He demanded as he managed to evade her clutching hands yet again.

"Oink" she replied and tried to capture him again.

"Leave me alone!" he cried and two of the royal guards burst into their chambers at the raised voices and blushed and averted their eyes from the sight of the newly married, very naked couple and wondered why Princess Tifa wasn't blushing and crying out in protest at their intrusion; she was normally very modest.

"Can we assist you?" They asked them, refusing to look at either one. The gold silk covered walls of the chamber were suddenly very fascinating to gaze upon.

"Yes, she's trying to molest my person beyond tolerable limits. Please remove her to the dungeon, just until she cools off" Reno commanded them.

Zack and Rude just blinked at his command, he was only a consort and they were only extras given bit parts in this fic and not under his authority. However, they turned their gaze to the one who really commanded them.

"Tie him to the bed. He's not through loving me yet" Tifa commanded them.

Each man took an arm and dragged him there. "Come on, you're my buds" Reno protested.

"Yes, when off duty. We're not even ourselves in this fic; we're anonymous royal guards randomly assigned to fulfil these roles. It's nothing personal. For now, enjoy and think about the blonde you grabbed off of me that time" Rude said with a wink as they tied him to the bedframe with ineffectual slip knots he couldn't possibly break and beat a hasty retreat.

"Now where were we?" Tifa asked him as she raised him up and mounted him.

"No, have mercy!" Reno cried.

"Sorry, I find I like being married to you and look forward to doing this every night" she said as her hips lunged on him.

The next morning Princess Tifa yawned and got off the comatose young man and stretched in a luxurious way like a contend cat. "Mercy" Reno muttered in his sleep.

She yawned for the first time as a woman and a bird fully black parrot alighted on her shoulder and nuzzled her cheek and pressed his beak against it. "Oh Dezzie, it was all you promised and more. But I don't understand half of what you told me to say" Tifa said in confusion. "But I'm grateful you got me the husband I wished for" she said to him. "Even if he's the wrong one" she added with a frown. Dezzie claimed to be a wizard trapped in a bird's body that promised to help her after he had found her miraculously alive after the destruction of her kingdom and had been guiding her every step of the way. He actually had been a powerful wizard but had a fetish for watching live sex scenes and had been punished by his guild masters after spelling one to many innocents and making them perform for him. His punishment was to become an undying, harmless parrot with no powers to speak of. He met Tifa and had saw such potential in her that he'd taken her under his wing and mentored her to provide him the performance of a lifetime.

"Just go with it, brothers of all different colours like that" he advised in bird-talk that only she could understand.

"But he seemed shocked" she said in her normal, sweet bell-like voice.

"I was watching, you did get a little demanding towards the end. A brother has to rest up you know" Dezzie scolded her.

"You watched?" Tifa said with a blush and could have sworn he leered at this but dismissed it, it was absurd that a bird could leer. "I needed more" she said with a shrug and Dezzie had to admit he'd been shocked by how sexually responsive she'd been. He hadn't been aware of the sex beast that lurked in the innocent woman's soul waiting to be unleashed.

Yeah it has been a great night for Dezzie as he'd watched and beat off to the live sex scene before him as much as a parrot could. Princess Tifa's initiation into womanhood had been epic!

"Eight times on your first time to satisfy you? I don't envy that husband or yours" he said turning his attention to the ungodly mess that was her new husband. He was still barely tied to the bed and littered with scratches, bite marks on his butt and his hair was sprawled all over the tangled sheets. Tifa blushed and hastily untied him and threw a sheet over him before summoning her lady's maid to attend to her toilette.

Reno felt drained as anything when he blinked his way back to existence and started back when he saw Tifa standing behind a very large servant offering him a tray of food and beverages.

She wore a modest blue gown with a small, tasteful tiara in her well-coiffed hair that she wore up now in deference to her status as a married woman. She looked immaculate without a hair out of place, as if she had spent the night in gentle slumber, rather than chasing him about and claiming him over and over again. "I hope you're well rested and I apologize, I really think I've been harsh with you. I have a great feeling after last night, that I shall enjoy being married to you" she said to him with a modest smile and had the nerve to blush. Reno just whimpered at this. "I look forward to doing this every night for the rest of our lives. Barret shall run a bath for you and tend to any needs you might have as your new man servant. I apologize if I was unladylike in my deportment" she said giving him a humble bow and Reno, who was normally such a smooth talker, couldn't form two words together in how flabbergasted he was.

"I-I" he ventured.

"I'll make apologies for you to our Queen and my Royal Brother at breakfast. I'll tell them you aren't feeling well" she said and left with a swish of her modest blue silk gown, looking every inch the lady that he questioned she even was one.

Reno looked under the covers and was just relieved to see his penis was still there, even if hiding like a frightened turtle.

"That's a wrap. That was perfect, the authoress's very pleased by your performance. Thank you" the announcer said to the performers and Reno and Barret shook hands, promised to meet to play darts later that week and Reno went to change. One of perks of being a performer in a story written by someone else, was that you suffered no lingering effects after your scene was over.

"There that's over with and I'm glad of that fact. Now I have to take about twenty showers to get the scent of you off my body" Tifa snapped at him as she walked by him still wearing her gown and discreet tiara.

"Are you implying that I stink?" he asked her.

"Only if you bathe in cheap cologne as you appear to" she said and then turned her back on him to speak with the newly arrived Sephiroth and Cloud and inquired of their plans for that evening "Sorry we have tickets to see the new musical." Cloud explained. "Sephiroth won them and couldn't think of anyone else to ask" he hastily added to spare Tifa's feelings.

"Perhaps we could meet before the show for some drinks or after?" She asked them.

"We're going to dinner at that new Thai place everyone's raving about and then going to Reeve's party" Sephiroth explained.

"I didn't know you had become such close friends" Tifa observed. "I wasn't invited to his party" she said.

"I was only invited because I'm Sephiroth closest friend" Cloud explained to her, unable to believe she hadn't clued into their real relationship. The clues were very obvious and right in front of her.

"Never mind" Tifa said and departed, she found a janitor's closet before she dissolved in tears, unable to believe her closest friends had forgotten it was her birthday. The door opened and she was drawn against a solid chest and looked up to find Reno was holding her. "Let it out" he said as he pressed her head against his shoulder and stroked her back as she sobbed against him. They wound up on the floor with her in his lap as she leaned against him.

"Happy birthday" he said. "I understand it's the dreaded twenty-nine" he commented.

"You remembered?" She said looking up at him, she was a bit overwhelmed by his kindness, she could never see him touching anyone as gently as he was her or comforting anyone.

"You were born on the same day as me, only a month behind me" he reminded her. "Now you want to explain why you hate me so much?"

"You're obnoxious and have horrible posture, your grammar is atrocious and you dress like a thug" she said indicating to his black hoodie over a wife beater, blue distressed jeans torn at his knees and unlaced army boots. "Yet everyone likes you and women want to sleep with you. Whereas I can't seem to be with anyone I want. I can't go places on my own because all these guys are saying "you're Tifa Lockhart" and try to pick me up because of my breasts and don't care about getting to know the real me. I can't remember the last time I was on a date, let alone slept with anyone. I'm alone with my TV and books every night."

"I know somewhere where I could take you where guys will buy your drinks but not hit on you and will want to speak with you. Go change, we're going to paint the town red tonight, Princess" Reno said in a voice that brooked no argument from her.

"A gay bar?" She said with incredulity in her voice.

"Give it a try" he said, smoothly leading her inside. The music was lively and the light show good as men danced with other men or the occasional woman.

"I don't know about this" Tifa said.

"You're Tifa Lockhart, can I buy you a drink? I'm such a fan" a man said.

"I don't want to sleep with you" Tifa said her automatic response.

"He'd better not want to. I'm Dan and this is my husband, Dave" his companion introduced them.

"I would be happy to have a drink with you, this is Reno, he's my...friend" Tifa said to their friendly smiles.

"And Tifa scores her first victims for the night" Reno whispered in her ear. "Thing is about men, is we all like boobs. Even the gay ones and when they buy you a drink, they just want to get to know you as a person" Reno explained to her. "Now let's go talk to the happy couple and then I want to dance with you" he said leaning back against the bar and oddly enough she wanted to.

Tifa finally understood Reno's appeal; he was simply charming as he politely listened to Dan's and Dave's details of their recent destination wedding and then took her onto the dance floor and danced surprisingly well to the beat and spun her to and fro until she was laughing and pulled her close to dance to the few slow songs.

"Do you come here often?" She asked him.

"This is my first time here. I have a gift for meeting people and getting along with them. I hold no prejudices and am not judgmental of other people's lifestyle choices. I simply know that I prefer women and always will. Other's do not. Say, would you like to go see the drag show next door?" Reno said when he realized that Cloud and Sephiroth were in the picture of the bar's bingo night that hung above their table.

"Guys in dresses? Bring it on" Tifa said downing a shot and took Reno's hand as he helped her up from their booth. He made sure she didn't look back, he wasn't ready to have Tifa find out about her two fruitless crushes this way.

Reno leaned back in his chair in amusement as the cross dresser sang "Happy Birthday" to Tifa as she stood on the dais with him and then pressed a kiss to her blushing cheek, leaving a red lipstick print there that a laughing Reno helped her wipe off. He'd never seen the normally repressed girl so free and found her fun side amusing.

Neither were completely sober as he dropped her off in a taxi in front of her condo building and prepared to walk to his own apartment about ten minutes away. "I had a great time but I'm not inviting you in" she slurred.

"Nor should you. You should never invite a man into your home if your judgement is impaired. Do and I'll kick your ass and his" Reno lectured her and she quirked a smile at him and made a offhanded remark about people in glass houses throwing stones.

"Good night Tifa" he said and pressed a kiss onto her cheek. "You want to try bowling tomorrow night?" He asked her.

She looked up at him quizzically. Worrying about a stupid ball knocking down pins seemed so out of character for her...and then there was putting her feet into rented shoes where so many other people had tread..."let's do it" she said. Wanting to be out of character, to be free for a while and allow herself to enjoy life.

"I'll buzz up for you at seven tomorrow and you can come down and meet me" Reno offered.

"It's a date...but not really" she frostily said.

"I understand" he said and slouched off and she was forced to admit he was handsome, weird facial tattoos and all.

Tifa could only look up at her own exposed legs and feet as they were braced on the roof of the backseat of Reno's car while he moved in her in a cramped missionary style position. How had it come to this? She had been with him every night for a week...only a week. She normally had made the few boyfriends she'd had wait months before she would even kiss them...yet.

Her panties were on the floor and her skirt bunched up around her hips. Her top had been rucked up to expose her breasts and his pants had been shoved down to his thighs and his shirt had been unbuttoned. His smooth chest brushed her sensitive nipples as he panted his enjoyment of what they were doing to her as he moved on top of her, stroking long forgotten nerve endings and erogenous zones that were making her crazy with needs she didn't know she required fulfilling. Yet he seem to know as he kept up his erotic dance in her until all rational thoughts were gone. Their sex due to their cramped position should have been lousy, but Tifa cried out her enjoyment of it with abandonment, it wasn't exaggerated as their writer induced couplings. This was real life and she was no less enthusiastic about their coupling but this was the real her making love.

He'd been shocked to find out she'd never made out in his backseat and suggested they try it and she had primly said "no tongue." Neither had been drinking, there was no excuse...all thoughts were swept away as her orgasm hit her and drew him in with her as they came in perfect harmony and both basked in the tender moments that came from having a mutual orgasm.

Reno finally sat up and did up his pant and handed her her panties.

"I hope you don't think I'm some kind of tramp" Tifa blushed.

"I think you've been neglected for too long. There's nothing wrong with enjoying sex. It's a natural, beautiful thing" he said stroking her cheek.

"This can't happen again" she said as he drove her home.

How had an innocent walk in the park come to this?" Tifa asked herself as she sat with her back to Reno's front on his lap while he was seated on a park bench. He pounded inside her as he stroked her clit, she still wore her hiking boots but her shorts and panties were descended to mid-thigh as were his own jeans as he panted into her ear, encouraging her own enjoyment with skillful fingers.

"This can never happen again" she firmly said as she always did when he dropped her off in front of her place.

"I understand. Let me know when you're ready to invite me up to take me to your bed. I do love spontaneous sex in dangerous places as much as the next guy, but hate getting splinters in my ass" he said and took her lips in a lingering kiss that made her womanly parts ache for him.

"Good night Tifa" he said with a smirk at how unsettled she looked as he drove off.


	4. Chapter 4

Sir Reno of Nothing sat painfully up from his bed and groaned as this aggravated his wound. He was bare except for the stained bandage wrapped around his middle that covered the wound dealt to him by a sword during a skirmish gone bad.

"Oh, thank the Goddess you're okay" his wife said with such relief and tenderness in her voice that he'd never heard directed towards him.

He looked to where she sat beside him in chair, noting the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep and how her lids were swollen from crying. Had she been crying all night at his bedside because he might have not have survived the night? He questioned himself.

"I'm fine" he said and then she was in his arms, holding him like he was the most precious thing in the world to her.

"I was so worried" she said pushing his floppy hair back to reveal his startled eyes.

"But...I thought you didn't like me. You seem to just want to treat me like I'm just a sex toy" he said with surprise in his voice.

"I find I can't share a bed with you without developing feelings for you. I care for you. But I know that you're unhappy. I have spoken to my brother and he's willing to release you from our marriage. You can keep the money, just allow me a pension to survive on" she requested, lowering her eyes at this.

"What if I said I don't want to be released? You're my wife" he surprised himself by furiously saying and kissed her hard.

"Oh good, because I'm expecting" she said hugging him.

"Expecting what?" He stupidly asked her.

"Your baby, silly" she said.

"My what?" He squeaked, suddenly prepubescent again.

Suddenly, he paced outside of the delivery room, where he could hear her cursing his name and shrieking unflattering things about him that would have made a sailor blush with shame, to her pained cries. "How did this happen?" He demanded of Rufus.

"Do you seriously want me to answer that? She's a royal Princess; they always get pregnant on their wedding nights. Don't worry, she's stronger than she looks" he assured the nervous looking man.

"I'm not worried about her" he insisted, wishing he could be in the room with her, to hold her hand at least and not be outside pacing uselessly. He felt like knocking that flimsy barrier between them off its hinges and wondered at the rule that the husbands must be kept from their wives as they gave birth. They certainly had been present for their children's conception...

"Right, where did she learn that language?" He mused as he looked at the now blushing man.

"Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby..." The doctor said.

"Doctor, I think her labour pains have started again" his nurse called to him.

"Girl" he said thrusting the tiny bundle into Reno's startled arms and hurrying back to his patient.

"She definitely hasn't been cheating on you, as if I believed she ever would" Rufus said, noting the tiny girl had his red fuzz on her head. While Reno could just look at her as if stricken dumb and unmoving by the Goddess, herself as the tiny girl squirmed in his arms.

This happened one more time. "You have two beautiful daughters and a son: triplets and your wife is doing just fine" the doctor told him. Princess Scarlet had joined them and taken charge of the two cooing bundles from the shell shocked looked man as she held them in her arms and murmured to them. The doctor went to hand him his son...and Reno fainted.

Reno stood before Tifa as she lay in bed exhausted from her delivery. "I hope you don't mind my having so many children. I...I'll understand if you wish to set me aside, just please look after them. Perhaps, I can convince your Sir Cloud to marry me instead?" She said in a small voice.

"He can't have you...besides, he has his own Prince" he said and she looked up at him quizzically at this.

"You're my wife and those are my children and you all belong with me. Because I love you" he declared taking her lips in a kiss that she joyfully returned as she sobbed out how she loved him too as the music swelled with the intensity of the emotional scene.

"And cut, that was great work. This concludes Obsidians' story" the announcer paged to them and they reluctantly parted after their loving declarations as the emotions lingered for a few extra seconds when reality set in and they looked at each other in confusion.

Tifa got out of bed and pulled herself together. "nice working with you. I wonder where they found all those redheaded newborns?" She wondered aloud to change the mood.

"Who knows where they find the bit part actors?" he reminded her with an amused grin.

"I'm sorry what I said" she apologized.

"You want to go to karaoke later?" He asked her.

"I think we should take a break" she said looking to where Cloud and Sephiroth were laughing about something.

"So, I'm no longer your leading man?" he asked her, wondering why that hurt so much.

"I like you but..." She said, she liked him but she had to get her life back on track. He was an unnecessary distraction, she told herself. Feeling like she was lying to herself. Had that been pain in his voice just now?

"Save it" he snapped at her and went to change.

She felt bad as she went past him to talk to Sephiroth and Cloud to try and convince of one them to date her. They were her future, not Reno. She'd known that as soon as she met them on the set of the video game the first day. She had planned her carefully organized life around marrying one of them, she didn't need an impulsive redhead to ruin everything...no matter how he made her laugh, was fun to be around and a tiger in bed...she quashed that thought.

"I was wondering if either of you wanted to check out the new museum?" She asked them.

Cloud was sick of Tifa always meddling with his and Sephiroth's plans. He knew what she hoped would never happen and was sympathetic that neither of them could offer it to her. But she was forever trying to butt into his plans with his boyfriend and making eyes at them both. "Damnit Tifa, we're going out for a romantic dinner because it's our second anniversary and then going home to make love if he agrees to marry me...or even if he doesn't. Tifa, we're gay!" Cloud snapped at her.

"You want to marry me?" Sephiroth asked him with happiness in his voice.

"I have a man's engagement ring in my pocket for you and everything. It was supposed to be a surprise...and Tifa had to go ruin my plans by making me mad" Cloud fumed at him as he showed him the ring. "It was to be slipped into your glass of champagne" he told him.

"Yes" Sephiroth said.

"Really?" Cloud asked him and then they were kissing while Tifa ran from the set without even bothering to change.

"Tifa" Reno called after her as he witnessed the scene.

Tifa changed into a large t-shirt she wore in place of a nightgown and flung herself onto her bed and sobbed like her heart would break. She'd based her entire life around being the wife of either man, she had wanted them since the second she'd met them. She'd been so young and they were like gods to her in their flawless beauty. She moaned as her buzzer rang.

"Yes" she said answering it in a dead sounding voice.

"It's Reno, let me come up!" he all but ordered her.

"No, I just want to be alone" she said in small voice.

"Open this door or I shall break this flimsy glass thing and let myself in" he threatened.

"Fine" she said buzzing him in.

He knocked on her door and she let him in with a sigh of defeat, she winced that he looked like a thug as usual in worn blue jeans and a beaten-up leather jacket. "Why are you here?" She asked him.

"I came to make sure you were okay" he said giving her the absolute truth.

"Couldn't you just take another woman out and leave me alone?" she asked him.

"Another woman? How many women do you think I'm with? I've been with your every night for three weeks...until you dumped me. I'm hardly going to call up another girl and ask her on a date when I'm worried about my best girl" he replied to her.

"Best girl? But I thought you just wanted the sex. You hardly seem the faithful type to me" she said in confusion.

"The sex is stellar, but I happen to care about you. I was always curious what lay behind your tight-laced façade. You're the most controlled woman I've encountered, but I like you. I brought you ice cream" he lamely said holding up the bag. "Tifa, sex isn't hard for me to find. I know you're upset about Cloud and Sephiroth. It must be devastating to find out that way you did and Cloud's sorry about that" he said and she dissolved into sobs at this and he was soon holding her as they sat on her bed.

"Why does it have to be this way?" She asked him.

"Everyone's changed over time, most are in relationships and have become different. Some got involved with other cast members or found relationships elsewhere. I was barely twenty when I joined the game playing the character of Reno, but I'm not the character I portrayed. I sowed my wild oats when I was younger, but I'm not that man anymore" he promised her and she looked up to him.

"I planned my entire future around Cloud or Sephiroth. I bought this place to fill it with a family" she said.

"And it's a nice place. Is that why you never wanted to invite me in? I wasn't upset; I know how important your privacy is to you" he assured her.

She tearfully nodded.

"I'm getting you some of that ice cream" he announced. She gave him a sad smile.

"Double dark cherry? My favourite" she said in surprise.

"I noticed you always got it from the catering truck. I have a vivid recall for stupid things. I guess that makes me an idiot savant. Do you want me to leave? I don't want to intrude" he said.

"Stay the night with me. I don't want...could you just hold me?" She asked him.

"I would love to" he answered.

Tifa woke up snuggled into Reno's body and feeling cozy and warm. Lips brushed her own "I was wondering when you were going to wake up" Reno teased her, propping his head up on his handmas he stroked her cheek with his other hand. She yawned and stretched, wondering why it felt so comfortable for him to be there with her.

"You're the first man I've ever had in this bed" she admitted to him.

"You're not saying you were a virgin that first time..." He asked her in a shocked voice.

"No there hasn't been that many men in my life. I been waiting for..." She said, looking to the side.

"It sounds like you need a new plan" he said putting his arms around her and she snuggled into his solid chest.

"I realize that I don't know anything about you" she said, changing the subject. "You were raised in the slums?" She asked him.

"No Reno was" he corrected her. "If I tell you the truth, will you promise not to tell anyone?" He asked her.

"I swear" she answered.

"Okay, if by the Slums, you mean Barrhaven" he said mentioned one of the richest suburbs in Midgard. "My mother's a doctor and my father's a lawyer and are still together after being high school sweethearts. I'm sure they're engaging in rousing game of scrabble challenge as we speak. The closest I got to the slums was going to a grocery store where you're expected to bag your own groceries. I was privately school educated and the school valedictorian and even hold a Masters in electrical engineering. Heck, I was a mall rat" he explained to her.

"Your accent is gone" Tifa noticed.

"It's a put on. Women seem to like me better in the character of Reno. They get off on his bad boy image. So, I act the part so much that it became who I am" he admitted with a blush.

"You're a total fake!" she said with a smile. "No slums, from a happy family. What next. Are you hiding a wife somewhere?" She teased him.

"I promise you I'm not" he said. "Come on, I'm making us some breakfast. If you have red wine and eggs, I can make us eggs poached in red wine. Yes, I can cook" he said.

"What are your parents like?" She asked him while he opened cupboards and her fridge and started to dig things out to prepare their breakfast, looking completely comfortable in her kitchen.

"My mother loves to cook and taught me everything I know, she didn't want me to drive my future wife bonkers by not knowing how to cook. She's a kind, loving woman, who likes to take care of her house and family' but is a total feminist. My father and I both had chore lists posted constantly. I'm an only child. My father is very laid back and allows her to rule the roost. He's charming with a whimsical sense of humour. Sound familiar? Both are very intelligent and a have possible scrabble fetish. They play it every day" he explained. "Taste" he said holding out a spoon to her.

"That's delicious" she proclaimed.

"I have to let it boil down and we're ready to eat. Would you like to meet them? I'm supposed to have dinner with them this Sunday" he said, feeling nervous at his offer.

"I would love to" she said.

"I don't want Cloud. All I want is you" Tifa promised as she knelt between Aerith's thighs and started to orally love her.

"Thanks, nice job" the announcer called to them. Tifa slipped into her bathrobe and helped the heavily pregnant woman up and into her own.

"Thanks, I wish these yuri writers would wait until I give birth" she complained as she put on her glasses that made her look like sexy librarian and unbraided her hair and shook it loose and got into her usual black clothes. The real Aerith was a very nearsighted who refused to get corrective surgery and a super intelligent woman. She was married to Zack, who wasn't much different from his onscreen persona.

"Let's hit the food truck. I'm eating for three after all" she groaned. Tifa was happy for her friend for having a devoted husband and a family on the way, but a little envious. She watched as Aerith tucked into her pasta salad like she'd never eaten before.

"Okay spill, you're glowing. Do you have a new beau?" She suddenly demanded.

"What are you talking about?" Tifa stammered with a blush.

"Who is he? I know you were hung up on Sephiroth and Cloud, but you have the glow that only a very sexually satisfied woman gets. Do I know him? Is he cute?" Aerith demanded between bites as she attacked her chicken like it was about to attempt to run away.

"Reno" Tifa said with a blush.

"Reno, but I thought you hated his guts? You were always going on how he contributed nothing to the video games or movies. How did that happen?" Aerith said in shock.

"I agreed to go out with him one night when feeling low. A week later, we first, er...made love in his car" she admitted, unable to look at her friend.

Aerith broke into peals of laughter, "you in the backseat of his car...a week later. He must have really managed to take the stick out of your bum. You're normally so careful who you take to bed and make them wait forever for that" she said with a smile as she shoved food into her mouth like it was her last meal. "But seriously, Reno was never as bad as you thought he was. He's a friend of Zack's and say what you will about Zack, he's an excellent judge of character. There was a reason why he was in our wedding party" Aerith assured her.

"But he's been with so many women" Tifa said.

"He was young back then, like we all were. We all had our flings with co-workers, we're a good looking bunch. Most of us have settled down, like Zack and I, Vincent with Tseng, Yuffie with Barret, Rude with Shera and now Cloud with Sephiroth. People change as they mature. Reno back in the day was hot and sexy and fun in bed" Aerith explained to her.

"Did you and Reno?" Tifa asked her.

"There are things married woman can't talk about" Aerith said with a blush. "Why shouldn't you be with Reno? It's no different from Zack and me. You knew I thought he was an idiot when I had to act opposite him, pretending to be much younger girl, who was a total goody goody. I refused to have anything to do with him outside of work, even during the fanfiction. It was totally by accident that I let him talk me into going for a drink, that led to many and we slept together. One broken condom later and I was an unwed mother to be. I told him I could raise this child alone, but he showed up the next night with a chili dog as that was all his mother could eat when she was pregnant with him. He also brought with him, listings for houses and had researched the merits of each to be able to argue their selection when we got married and bought one of them. I was bowled over that so flighty a man was so deadly serious about our marrying. He wooed me daily and by the fifth month, had worn me down. I know you like to plan every aspect of your life but sometimes, it's the ones you didn't choose that are your intended. Just think on it. He's never been in love as far as I know. I think you...like him more than you think. So tell him because if you glow anymore, I'm going to rent you out as an alternate light source" Aerith teased her. "Or you can try how Zack and I got together."

"So, you're suggesting I should approach him with a condom I punched a couple pin holes into and let nature take its course?" Tifa asked her with a frown.

"If necessary. The expression on his face would be priceless. Personally, I could see him as being the fainting type" she smoothly said to Tifa's shock. "I'm kidding. Let's blow this pop stand" she suggested, pushing the remnants of her huge lunch away. "I really could go for a pepperoni pizza with green olives, pineapple, onions and bacon, oh with a huge scoop of chocolate ice cream on top" she added.

"Come on, let's go get those for you" she said leading her friend to their car, lost in thought as she considered Aerith's advice. She hadn't considered a future with Reno, she thought he'd find another woman and move on as she considered him to be little more than a tomcat. What if she's been wrong about him? She'd come to care a great deal about him in so short a time. Was it possible to have more? It was food for thought. Speaking of food, she was glad Aerith wore mainly black as she dove into her extra-large pizza and her face was soon smeared with pizza goo and melting chocolate ice cream. It was beyond endearing when she would surface long enough to give her friend a happy smile, before diving back in.

Going to Barrhaven

"You really do look nice" Tifa said as she admired how Reno looked, his spiky hair had been slicked back and tied into his tightly bound ponytail giving him a more polished appearance. He wore a gun metal gray turtleneck under a nice black blazer, with well-fitting black dress pants and polished black shoes.

"I could hardly show up for Sunday dinner looking like a scarecrow" he said. His parents had stressed this many times, actually, their exact words were "don't show up looking like you just rolled off of someone and got dressed while her husband chased you out of their place" but Tifa didn't have to know that part.

He told himself to relax, men did what he was doing all the time. It wasn't abnormal, nor stressful to introduce your girlfriend...wait since when was Tifa his girlfriend? His panicked thoughts were all over the place. He loved his parents to death but suddenly wished he was the abandoned orphan his character was. Okay he'd never brought a woman home before. What horrors had his far too whimsical parents dredged up to humiliate him with? How many naked childhood pictures had been unearthed? Embarrassing stories remembered to be causally brought up at dinner? Surely the commercial he'd been in his brief career as a baby model hadn't been downloaded? He wouldn't put it past them. His parents were wonderful, had been those cool parents where your friends were always welcome and always had a listening ear from problems, even for other people's children. But they had seemed way too excited at the idea that he was bringing a woman to dinnner to introduce them to...

"Reno, the light" Tifa reminded him and he cursed and drew to an abrupt halt. "Reno Honey, you seem really distracted. Would you prefer I drive?" She asked him.

"It's okay, Sweetie. I'm just worried about tonight" he said and patted her knee, than froze...Sweetie, he never used terms of endearment with anyone!

"Are you afraid I'm going to embarrass you?" She asked him.

"Far from it, it's the other way around. I'm afraid they might embarrass me" he assured her.

"Don't worry about it, they seem lovely the way you described them" she assured him.

"Tifa" he said in a strangled voice.

"Yes Reno" she said and could have sworn his face was glowing it was so red.

"My name isn't really Reno, that's a moniker that I bestowed on myself that the people running the game also liked" he said in a small voice.

"So, what is it?" She asked him.

They were greeted at the door by a smiling, busty redhead middle aged woman and a handsome, lithe man of like age. "Junior!" They cried and both attacked their son with huge hugs.


	5. Chapter 5

"Your true name is _Aloysius_?" Tifa asked Reno in surprise and he looked sheepishly back at her.

"Aloysius Bertram Sinclair the Ninth" Reno corrected her. "It's a family name. A very stupid one" Reno muttered and blushed when she laughed at this. "I don't think it's that funny!" he protested.

"No, I'm not laughing at your name. It's your act. You just admitted to taking on characteristics of your on-screen persona so you could get laid" she said with teasing in her voice to let him know she wasn't making fun of him and touched his hand. Somehow that he resorted to such deception: the fake gutter accent, the slouching posture and fake background of as an impoverished inner-city kid, turned legal assassin; endeared him to her all the more. It overwrote her bad opinion of him. He was just another person insecure in his looks and wanting to be accepted. This made him seem more human and less like the blowhard with an overinflated ego she'd always assumed he was.

Reno, himself was wondering why he had offered to take Tifa to meet his parents. He certainly had never been tempted to introduce them to anyone before. He wasn't against relationships but met most of his women at Comicons when he'd made an appearance or through women recognizing him and coming onto him.

Reno was a popular character with the ladies and they wanted to sleep with his badass self. Not Aloysius from Barrhaven, with his eccentric parents and privileged background. So, he gave them Reno and kept Aloysius a secret from his fans. Yet he was with Tifa Lockhart, another popular character and about to show her his secret life. What was it about her that made him want to reveal all of himself to her?

He had been hurt more than he had a right to be when she had tried to brush him off that day. He'd stuck around the set long enough to berate Cloud for telling her the truth of his and Sephiroth's relationship in such a hurtful way. Like he was suddenly her personal champion and then had charged over to her place to comfort her, knowing she would retreat into her sanctuary like an animal going to lick its wounds. He didn't even really know what he was doing there with ice cream in hand, but that he needed to be there with her in her pain. How vulnerable she looked made him reach out for her, when quite frankly, he was no one's hero.

He didn't know what to make of her when she was his only lover, anymore then when she was the isolated young woman he'd met on the set, who made it clear she had no time for him when he'd asked her out. Her character dressed sexy, yet acted like a nun and she, herself was fairly conservative in her dress. She was beautiful and simply stunning, but always seemed shy when men approached her.

It was clear from the start she favoured Cloud and Sephiroth but didn't seem to know how to flirt or attempt to seduce them, she would awkwardly try to made plans with them and neither seemed really interested in her, yet she persisted even ten years later. She seemed silently frustrated to Reno, but he gave her a wide berth, any attempt on his part to even befriend her seemed to backfire, so he moved onto other cast members. He was eighteen and earning a great income while going to one of the top Universities. The world was his oyster and women loved Reno! Each signature came with a request for his phone number. Even the powers at be at Square Enix had been shocked by the public's reaction to Reno, a villain who was given no last name and a few vague hints as to his background. Yet he grew in popularity that he was included in the Comicon circuits and slept with many women cosplaying Tifa.

The real Tifa had grown into a beautiful woman, who was still as equally shy as the teenaged girl she'd been. She's been called in to act out Fanfiction like they all had when it had started up, but still connected with few, but but connected with no one. Yet, there were moments over the years where she would do small acts of kindness for him. Just simple things like: taping his ankle when he sprained it on set, sharing the bagged dinner she'd brought when the shooting went late one night and him waking up to find himself covered with the blanket she always ate her lunch on alone under the same tree. He'd been up late at night cramming for an exam and had fallen asleep on the couch in the studio. Then there was when she had been sent by the studio to nurse him when he'd gotten the flu and had reluctantly tended to him for three days. But that was another story. He could still remember how good her cool fingers felt on his sweaty brow.

Yet, what you discovered when you got past her stunning visage and protective shell, was a warm and funny person where intelligence shone in her beautiful garnet eyes. She was caring and generous with every aspect of herself, both in and out of bed. She made him feel special when she gave him her real smile, that lit up her face and brought out the dimple in her left cheek that made him long to kiss it...as he had many times. Her polite smile was nothing in comparison. Her as a lover...he'd always considered himself to be a generous lover, but she gave him all aspect of herself to him when they coupled, so it was almost religious experience to consummate their new relationship with her. Even her hands stroking his exposed skin in the softest caress enflamed him and fed his hunger for her. Sex had never felt like this before, it was like she was a drug he couldn't get enough of. It terrified him and yet made him long to be a better man for her.

"We're here" he said as he drew up in front of the grey stone mini mansion that had sheltered him until he'd left the nest.

"Do I look okay? What if they don't like me?" She nervously said and this caused him to pause and look at her. She'd done her hair into a kind of half twist at the back that shortened her calf length hair to her knees and wore a knee length, ivory print dress with black flowers on it. It had a demure round neckline, was it sleeveless and a small, black shiny belt encircled her small waist. Her sandals were ivory in colour with peep toe and had only kitten heels.

"You look lovely, they can't help but to like you" he said, taking her hand and giving it a squeeze and impulsively kissing her cheek.

"Because I'm beautiful?" She almost demanded of him, getting sick of everyone always raving about her exterior and found herself wishing she were plain.

"Nothing wrong with that, but you're beautiful inside and out and they will see that. Trust me, they'll sense that right away, kind of how a shark can sense blood in the water. My parents are highly intuitive; you'll see. Just make sure you ignore all Scrabble Challenges they throw at you" he warned her, helping her from his jeep.

"What a Scrabble Challenge?" She asked him, glad he continued to hold her hand in support of her nervousness over meeting new people.

"If you issue a Scrabble Challenge and the person can't rise to the occasion, you have to do a forfeit for that person. My parents would frequently do this to each other and myself at the most awkward times, like when I was about to go meet the bus to take me to school. It made for an interesting chore day" he explained.

"Junior" he was greeted at the door in twin hug attacks by the people she could only deduce were his parents at their family resemblance to their son. It appeared Reno had inherited his tight, slim body from his father, along with his almost Asian in shape blue eyes and had his mother's hair, face and smile.

"I'm sorry, how rude of us. I'm Aloysius Senior, please call me Al and this is my wife, Bev" Al introduced himself and then both of the middle-aged people froze at the sight of Tifa.

"Am I inappropriately dressed for the occasion?" Tifa asked, blushing at their scrutiny.

"No, you look just lovely...and familiar, that figure...it's uncanny" Al said.

"Come Tifa, I'm sorry we stared so rudely at you. I'll show you why" Bev said putting an arm around the nervous young woman. Yearbooks were produced, along with photo albums. "This was me when I was about twenty" she explained.

"You had a figure just like mine...still do. Were your dimensions..." Tifa said naming them off.

"To the last centimeter" Bev concurred.

"I remember when she was transferred to our high school. I looked at her the first day and told my friend I would marry her" Al explained "and I did."

"That's so sweet" Tifa said.

"But that doesn't explain our son's Oedipus complex. Sorry Junior, you have to find your own woman, your mother's taken" Al bugged his son to his blushes.

"I never realized" Reno said with a shudder.

"Don't worry, Tifa's just as cute as I was" Bev assured him and put her arm around him. "Come Tifa, we have a fun evening planned of embarrassing our son, just like every good parent should. We remembered every embarrassing story and have naked childhood pictures and a commercial to show you for visuals" she said invitingly to her.

"I think I'm going to like the both of you" the normally shy woman said.

"What's not to like? We're awesome people" Al said and goosed his wife to her laughter and Reno's further embarassment.

"Sometimes I could kill you both" Reno muttered.

A Great Dane ran forward, all friendly woofs and a wagging tail "This is Reno" Bev said as she petted the large nose of the gentle giant.

"You named yourself after a Dog?" Tifa incredulously said as she went to pat Reno as he nudged her hand.

"The game staff didn't like my real name, so I had to think of something fast" he drily replied.

"Reno's a great name for his character. It's good enough for our dog" Bev chimed in.

Reno wished he could sink into the floor as the night he'd envisioned became a reality as Bev and Al unveiled every embarrassing picture, told every humiliating story there was to tell and finally, put on the commercial. "That Junior's little bum on the left" Al announced as Reno's anonymous baby bottom was placed on a diaper to show how comfortably dry it would leave him when he wet himself. "The Sinclair men always have excellent bottoms" he told a giggling Tifa. Reno hadn't really ever heard her giggle about much of anything and had to admit, despite the circumstances, that he found how relaxed she was with his family, was refreshing.

"So, what was Re..Junior like in high school?" She asked them.

"I was the local stallion" he bragged.

"He's was one of those rare kids who got along with everyone and never judged anyone for their lifestyle choices or sexuality. He would sit at any table he fancied, he was good at sports, the track and field champion in fact. He was also in the Glee club, Debating Team and D&D. The only thing he couldn't stand was bullies and he would be the first in line to stop someone from becoming their punching bags" Al explained.

"I could see that about you" Tifa said to Reno as she gave his hand a squeeze. "But that doesn't explain the facial tattoos that he will never tell me about."

"That's explainable. This young jackass got drunk on his mother's homemade elderberry wine and went into a tattoo parlor asking for something, "gangster". It as the nineties after all. This is what he gave him and Junior refused to get them removed when the game producers felt they added a certain evil flare to his pretty face and made him more thug-like. Why he has the world's stupidest haircut too" Al explained.

"We are all under contract not to change our looks" Tifa explained to them.

"Well, we love him, dumb tattoos, stupid hair and all and are proud of our boy. Are your parents proud of you for being a famous actress? Honestly, we've been talking in circles and not asking a single question about yourself. What must you think of us?" Bev suddenly addressed her.

"My parents...died in a car crash when I was fourteen. I was supposed to go into a foster home as I had no living family. My parents had left me well off, so I used that money to emancipate myself and get myself declared a legal adult. I wasn't comfortable living with strangers.

"There were conditions, I had unscheduled visits with caseworkers dropping in to check I was behaving in a responsible way. They didn't have to worry, I was never the wild party sort, nor had boyfriends getting caught in bed with me. I never got into drugs. As far as teenagers went, I was pretty boring I guess. I kept my head down and got good grades" she explained with her eyes lowered.

"Tifa I never knew. I wish you had told me back then" Reno said, finally understanding her way of isolating herself. She would never talk about her past.

"Yeah he would have helped you by scheduling the wild parties for you and getting caught in your bed" Al joked to enliven the mood a bit, his heart went out to the young woman. To be alone during her formative years must have been horrible. As much as Junior had protested about he and his wife's sometimes shocking behaviour, he knew he always had their loving support and could talk to them about anything.

"You must have been so lonely" Bev said taking Tifa's hand as she was a kind and loving woman.

"I miss them to this day...sometimes I wish my mother could hold my hand again" Tifa said as a tear ran down her cheek.

"Come on, let's go play makeover and go try my wedding dress on you, you sure seemed to admire it and I had it preserved. The men can handle the dinner dishes" she announced sweeping her out of the room.

"Tifa are..." Reno called after them.

"Come on Son, sometimes women need the presence of other women. We'll get everything into the dishwasher and put on a pot of coffee. We can set up for dessert, you can make the whipped cream while I get the cake out of the fridge.

Reno frowned after them and didn't even complain about the unfair division of labour. He thought about his father's comment about women needing other women and thought about a conversation he'd had with Aerith while on break on the set a few days before...

"Hey Reno, I heard you've been rejecting fanfiction roles that involve sex. Any certain reason for that?" The heavily pregnant woman asked him.

"I just don't feel like sharing my body with my co-workers" he lied.

"So, it has nothing to do with the fact that you got into the famous panties of Tifa Lockhart that millions of fanboys failed to?" She asked him, narrowing her eyes at him.

"She told you about us?" He said in surprise, thinking it was just a fling for her.

"She's my best friend, of course. I guess she must be pretty good if she's made a monogamous man out of you. What's her secret? I'm only curious as you and I were quite the item back in the day when I had to play Aerith-The-Boring. There was even a time I would have considered you for more if you'd have been serious about us" she admitted and he looked in surprise at her admission, Aerith wasn't the sentimental sort. "Honestly, it still freaks me out how grown men wanted to get into my supposedly underaged panties" she said to break the mood, sipping her decafe coffee.

"I don't wish to discuss our sex life, it's private" he said with a final shake to his head.

Aerith let out a whistle, "she's really gotten to you. I remember how you told me a blow by blow description of your conquest of a pair to identical twins to my chorus of, "I'm not interested" back in the day. My advice, get her a diamond ring and get down on one knee before someone else beats you to it. She waited a long time for a man of her choosing to do that and neither one wanted her."

"It's been three weeks since we got together!" he protested.

"The heart wants what the heart wants" she said and had left him contemplating her wisdom.

"You look so beautiful" Bev sniffled as she helped Tifa arrange the veil on her head and both of them stared at her reflection. "It fits you like a glove, it doesn't need a stitch of alterations" she commented.

"It's the most beautiful dress I've ever seen" Tifa said, looking misty eyed at herself. It was set in the lines of the confection of the dresses she'd worn for her and Reno's fanfiction story with a ball gown skirt. But it was much simpler with a tulle over skirt that had crystal appliqués on the off-white gown, this offset the poufiness of skirt. There were more crystals appliques at the waist and strapless neckline and small, discreet crystals shimmered throughout and were on the veil too.

"I fell in love with this dress the second I saw it but made myself try on tons of them but would always come back to this one. Finally, my mother told me it was the one. I always wished I had a daughter to wear it on her wedding day...but I only ever had a son. It probably for the best, it would look so dated on her" Bev said with a sob.

"Any woman would be proud to wear so beautiful a dress. I wish my mother could see me in this dress, I would love to call her Mom again" Tifa sobbed.

"Please call me Mom in her place" Bev said breaking into tear.

"I would like that, Mom" she said and both women hugged where Reno was witnessing the emotional scene from the bedroom door with Al, he'd insisted on going to check on her.

To see her wearing his mother's wedding dress was weirding him out and he felt light headed.

"Come, Son. Your mother has her. Breathe" he ordered him as the breath Reno had been holding came whooshing out of his lungs.

"How did you know I was holding my breath?" he asked him as they discreetly withdrew.

"That was my reaction when I first saw your mother in that gown too. It wasn't until I saw her that I knew I was doing the right thing by marrying her. I know you think that your mother and I are a perfect couple, but I wasn't more than twenty-two when we got married and wondered about other woman after being with just her. To worry is natural, but to realize what you have is the most important thing in a relationship. So, I married her and never looked back, I'm proud of her and always will be. I was lucky because a beautiful woman with the kindest heart chose to spend her life with me. I hope you realize that when that time comes for you." Al explained to Junior. Al had never been half as suave with women as his much more debonair son, but he knew that Junior had met his match in Tifa and was clearly deeply smitten by her. He could tell how Junior had automatically stepped forward in comfort of his mate as a loving man should.

"I had a great night" she said between kisses after they reached her place.

"So, let me come up with you and make it perfect" he said as he ravaged her neck with small kisses that made her shiver before taking her lips again.

"I could allow that Alyosius" she said as she leaned back teasingly.

"Tell no one" he declared.

"I promise. I want him in my bed though, not Reno. The horrible grammar is staying out of my bed tonight" she firmly said and then moaned when he attacked her neck again.

"I could eat you alive. I swear I'm glad you jumped me the first night. I thought you weren't into me and would have just made out with you a little" he commented.

"What did you say?" She asked him, feeling like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over her.

"That time in my backseat, I was surprised when you kissed me so hard and started undoing my fly but I always was curious about you and neither one of us had our judgement impaired. I assumed you were into it when I took off your panties. Man, you shocked me by how into you got, you were on fire" he said, quirking a smile at her.

"You mean to tell me that I did that...to you? Does that sound remotely like me?" She demanded as her memories resurfaced as she saw her hands buckling his belt and then undoing his fly and reaching into his pants to touch his...she blushed at this.

"It's okay, nothing wrong with showing a man what you want. Here I always thought you were frigid" he assured her.

"So now I'm a frigid bitch?" She demanded.

"I didn't say that. I'm glad you told Aerith about us, we had a talk about that..." Reno tried again.

"Oh Goddess, she told you how I've never orgasmed during sex with man before!" She cried, mortified.

"Really, but you come so easily with me. What I'm trying to say is..." Reno said.

"Get out of my life, you're disgusting with your overused dick. I was crazy to trust you. You're not even real. Let tell me what I discovered tonight, you're so against becoming your father and living in the suburbs. He's only known one woman and he's happy, while you whore your ass around and assume a fake life to escape that, while you secretly want it. You act like a bimbo when you have a Master's Degree that you do nothing with. You're as phony as a three gil bill!" she cried at him.

"I had sex with you, so why you getting all worked up?" Reno asked in confusion.

"Sorry, I like my men real" she spat at him and got out of his jeep.

"Yeah you like them real gay. Have a nice life. Sorry if my overused dick brought you to screaming orgasms. Hope you find someone who is nice and unobtainable to stalk, someone who won't give you the time of day so you can obsess about him for years. Someone who will never lov...look at you" he snapped back at her.

"I guess he will be exactly what this frigid bitch deserves" she said and ran away from him as she always did when something hurt her and collapsed on her bed in a fit of tears.

Reno drove home wondering why his eyes were watering as he wiped them clear.

Sephiroth and Cloud ran into a sullen Reno on the set a few days later. "Morning Reno, we were wondering if we could address your invitation to our wedding to Tifa and yourself, or send separate ones" Sephiroth asked him.

"Why would you want to do that?" He asked them.

"Well you're sleeping with her, so we assumed she would be your date for our wedding" Cloud explained to him.

"She can suck my dick...no, my body is off limits to her...permanently" he declared and left them without a single goodbye.

"I guess the lovebirds are having troubles" Cloud commented and they argued some more about the merits of tall centerpieces and short ones until they decided to seek out Aerith, who was visiting Zack on the set.

They found her in Zack's dressing room, talking to her agent as her husband massaged her feet.

"Of course my character is important, Cloud has never gotten over me after my death and never will. I'm Aerith Fucking Gainsborough! I don't care that Cloud is living with Tifa and seems to be recovering after Advent Children. He's still hung up on me and always will be. I was in the fucking movie too!" She snarled at her.

"I don't care that it was a tiny part. I'm a poignant character and you will promote that. I can't appear in the Comicon circuit as player as I'm like a pregnant whale, but I shall be there to make sure some bitch doesn't try to tempt my man. I'll clock her teeth out! Yes start a new ad campaign to promote me. I'll be around large and in charge and petite once I drop my pup" she said and hung up.

"Yeah" she said to the couple. "This had better not be about centerpieces again. Just because I play a flower fetish freak doesn't mean I know anything about posies" she snapped at them.

"No, it appears our shiny, new couple have troubles in Paradise" Cloud lied.

"Yeah I kind of figured when I got a message from Tifa saying that Reno was a bastard and a phony...but she couldn't explain that as she promised him under oath not to reveal his secret" she recited.

"They were getting along so well" Cloud said mournfully.

"I'll think of something" Aerith promised them.

That Night

"What are you doing Honey?" Zack asked Aerith as she tapped on her laptop.

"I'm trying my hand at fanfiction. I set up an account on FFN and everything" she said, showing Zack her laptop.

"Your user name is "Aerithsucksbleep" very stylish" Zack commented.

"Remember when we weren't getting along and you would accept any story just to be close to me?" She asked him.

"Yes" he said.

"Well I hope they feel the same. Here's what I have so far...It was in Neibelheim the night before Sephiroth and Cloud were embarking on their journey. A single rookie Turk as sent ahead to scout the area to make sure the place was free of people who might try to harm the Legendary Soldier. In his boredom, he flirted with the much older seeming daughter of a local mountain guide and his worldly ways generous dollops of drinks he gave her managed to part her slim thighs. Her father had been gone for the evening but returned to find them both in bed and her chastity a thing of the past. Her pastor was summoned and the fifteen-year old and barely eighteen-year-old male were married on the spot at gunpoint.

They lay back in bed awkwardly and resolved to wait until the visit was out of the way and then get their marriage was dissolved. However, chaos ensured as she was all but gutted and her village razed to the ground.

Reno visited her one last time and saw she was barely holding on, he used his influence to get her healed and left her that night. He thought his marriage certificate had been burned until he received a copy from the President, the message was clear. She was to be his liability if he betrayed them, she was now working with the enemy...so he retreated further into shadows and worked his way up the ranks. He didn't care for her but owed her at least a chance at life.

They kept tabs on each other throughout the years but one day, she was found out by her colleagues and put on trial for conspiring with the enemy.

The conspicuous redhead wore plain black clothes, a dark wig covered up his natural flame-bright fall, as did dark glasses. He stood in the crowd while they pronounced sentence on the gorgeous, young woman, who was his secret wife he could never claim and whose skin he had only touched the once; that's all I have so far" Aerith said to Zack.

"You're good, though it sounds like something that Obsidians would right. What happens next?" He asked her.

"That depends on where my muse takes me. What do you think of the name, Cherry McPlucking for her? I like to name my muses" she said quirking a smile at her husband.

"Fucking A" Zack said.

"Swear Jar" she reminded him.

"You first" he insisted and she just smiled at him.


End file.
